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After ten minutes of running around and throwing wet towels at each other, I found myself drying my car, while my little nephew went to change for karate. As I dried the car this question just popped into my head, as if prompting me to examine this idea. So I consider it and present it to you. Is this American Entitlement or the Assimilation of the Latino Mind into American Culture?

As many know, I was raised in an one parent immigrant home and although my mother did not receive her citizenship until I was in my teens, we lived a pretty good middle class lifestyle. I never had to stop from going to school in order to work for the family or go help my mom at her work after school. I pretty much had anything I needed growing up. As I grew up I achieved a place in the honor system, which in itself created a “superior” mindset.

The only career I held was that of a teacher. I worked not only hard, but more than was required of me every day. Not only because I loved doing what I did, but also because it was my integrity on the line. I had a profession, a career, and I was a hard worker. I wanted it to show in everything.

Yet, I find myself, at this  moment in a transition in my life. I am delving into the restaurant industry for a few years and see where that takes me. That means I really can’t get too involve with any other careers, which means taking day jobs to supplement my restaurant job. I currently hold a job at a call center. It is not a bad call center, not like the ones you hear horror stories about or the ones you hate calling you. And although I am learning a lot about sales, and how to overcome my negative mind, most of it is pretty redundant and boring. You call 80+ people and you invite them to an event. They either say yes or no, and you repeat. All day, 8 hours, 5 days a week, 20+ days a month. *ring ring* all day.

It is a big adjustment for me, and I really only stay because of the pay, $11.00 to just sit there and dial the number, *shrugs shoulders* I can do that. Yet, being a teacher for 10 years, or so, kinda makes me restless. Every day teaching was different. It was NEVER the same and even when I did teach the subject again, the following year, it was a new set of kiddos so my approach was different. Not this job. Yet, I CHOSE to work there, for the pay. Not HAD to, but CHOSE to.

Recently, I quit a server position. Loved the staff, loved the place, but the tips were not enough (if I got tipped at all). It was in a location where the local culture doesn’t really follow the tips guidelines. I quit. I quit because I felt my time was worth a lot more than what the guests were offering. My services were worth a lot more.

This is what makes me think, why do I feel/think this way? There are servers there that have been working for 2+ years. Obviously they think its worth their time. Yet, I know I can earn a lot more in a different part of the city. I am in this privileged position, in the position to rate a job either worth of my time or not. The “entitled mind” as I call it because when I think about it, I feel entitled to earn more money for my time and services.

I think it came to me as I washed my car because people who wash cars do not tend to CHOOSE that job, they are doing it because they have to. Yet, here I was washing my car for fun, complaining about my boring job, contemplating my many options, thinking about moving to Denver, transitioning into a different career, taking time out of my professional life to accomplish other things, I have OPTIONS.

And for a minute I felt guilty. Guilty to have OPTIONS, to have this mindset of the “world is my oyster and I can do as I please”. If I fail, it won’t be the end of the world. I will be able to get back on my horse. Go back to teaching, which I LOVE. It won’t kill me, or destroy my soul to do it for the next 4o or so years. Even there, I can move within the world of education to something NEW and EXCITING. Really what I was asking myself was:

AM I ALLOWED THAT? As a Latina woman am I allowed to have such feelings, such a mindset? If I am, is it bad? Do I think  I am better than other people who work a lot harder for the same or less amount of money? Is my mind a product of being raised in the U.S.A or being assimilated into it or both? Is it the Entitlement Mindset I have been surrounded by or the Assimilation of my Latino brain into the American Culture?

And more importantly, is it ok to feel this way?

I believe my mind is that of the Latino brain that has been assimilated into the American Culture of Entitlement. The fact that I doubt it and feel guilty about it states that I have a base that rejects this entitled mindset. I was raised in a household in which hard work was the only way to earn money. Yet, my education showed me I could do as much or more with my mind as well. And if I have any children, I know that their mindset will be filled with entitlements. Entitlement to earn what they deserve and that this world is definitely their oyster and they can do as they please. Now that makes smile. That makes me proud. Why?

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Because of my mother’s hard labor. It is because of her holding the base (with hard labor work) that I was able to step on the ladder and move up, and as she continues to push me onward (and my own mind grows stronger) , I climb, smiling, knowing she holds the ladder strong, until I reach that ceiling where her grandchildren will start their journey.

 

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Dollies, 

Well it has been way too long since I last wrote an entry. Many things in my life have changed one of them being the rather lack of time or motviation to cram as much as possible in a day as I used to have before. Yet, the need to write has brought me back to this little blog. I have a desperate need for my voice to be heard as I feel that it is one that is not that common. Recently many topics have come up in regards to weight loss, beauty, and sex and I want all of ya to hear meeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Anywhooos. A quick update and then let’s get going!

I no longer live in California. I know quite a shame. I am missing it even more right now. I moved back to Alaska. I am happy with that decision since last time that I was here I was a complete hermit. I lived in Alaska for four years and did nothing but watch tv and stayed inside. I plan to change that this year. 

I have a new job that makes my days go super freaking fast, but also take up a lot of my time, which makes it hard to spend time on me, but its balancing itself out. 

Alright…thats all you have to know so far! I am looking forward to my soap box days! .

 

xoxo, 

B

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Happy Sunday Chicks!

Well if HE can do it! Why can’t you! He didn’t allow that giant step to stop him. Don’t let it stop you either!

xoxo,

Bianca

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Happy Sunday Courageous Ppl!

At the end of the day, especially bad days, do not forget to whisper to yourself  “I will try again tomorrow.” Do not forget courage comes in all sizes and strengths. Try and try again.

xoxo,

Bianca

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Happy Sunday Ppls!!!

This quote is right on! The more and more I see it I truly believe that people who are successful at their dreams do not have qualities better than ours. They just tend to have a will and need to succeed. They push hard to make their dreams real, while most people just take the easy road and believe dreams can never become real. Which one are you?

xoxo,

Bianca

April 30th, 2013

Hello Readers!!!

Today’s thought comes from the motivational video from yesterday. At the end of the video a statement is made.

Make a choice. Just decide what is going to be, who you are going to be, how you are going to do it. Just DECIDE. 

The more important thing is this. To be able at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you will become. 

Every day that passes by I grow a bit more, not only physically, but point of view as well. As I continue to develop my weight loss program I have come to the conclusion that I do not believe in giving in. I do not believe in treats, I do not believe in cheat meals, I do not believe we deserve M&Ms once in awhile, I do not believe in being nice towards food.

I want to be a powerful, thin/toned, healthy, beautiful woman and I am willing to sacrifice what little cravings and weaknesses I currently have in order to become my dream. Therefore, this is exactly the kind of women I want to help transform other women into. I am so sick and tired seeing how we women can be so independent and hard working in most parts of their lives yet we come across a piece of chocolate and become little weaklings. We give up all our ideals, we give up all the hard work we have put in the gym, we give up the commitments we made to ourselves and others, we fall to our knees to bow down to that piece of food.

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What’s worse is that we excuse it over and over again. We give ourselves a thousand and one reasons why we need or deserve that harmful food and seem to completely forget all the reasons why we don’t want to eat it. All those reasons don’t come flowing in until the cake is gone. Then we begin feeling guilty and put ourselves down for failing. For eating something we knew we shouldn’t or worse we actually feel it was ok to eat what we did. So the next time there is another slice of cake it becomes so much easier to say yes to it. Until we are back to square one, saying yes to all the crappy food out there because we have lost sight of our dreams and goals.

The reality of it is that at some point, of resisting eating sweets and breads, you no longer miss them. You only crave them when you are feeling negatively which then triggers you to deal with your emotions instead of eating them. It takes a lot of time to build that habit, but it really does happen. You just have to be ready to sacrifice what you are now, for what you want to become. Personally for me, I hated who I was and was more than happy to sacrifice her in exchange for who I am now. Even now I continue to sacrifice parts of me to maintain who I am and who I will continue to develop to become.

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It is all a choice and you have to decide whether you are ready to sacrifice what you are now for who you desire to become. If you are not ready to sacrifice it, if you are not ready to give up your favorite dessert, if you are not ready to give up your favorite fried food, if you are not ready to give up all unhealthy foods, then you are just wasting time and energy. Might as well give up now and live the life you have so far created because you will never reach the life you dream and desire.

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Dreams and desires are not given, they are taken. It reminds me of the Aztecs sacrifices. You need to be ready to sacrifice everything in order to get to the heart and offer it to the gods. In order to offer it to yourself. Your heart is where your dreams live, so are you ready to sacrifice everything else in order to save your beating heart?

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xoxo,

Bianca

MVM: Pain is Temporary

Monday, April 29th, 2013

Hello Dollies,

The end of the month is here! I swear time just flies when you get older. I wish it could just slow down as slow as it was when I was 20. Dang it!

Today’s motivational video was a game changer for me. It was what finally clicked in me and told me to get organized! For a year and three months I have been battling with this 135-145lbs body. In a year I went from 220 to 140lbs, but since then I have not been able to make much improvement. One of my most frustrating things has been my belly. It just won’t budge. It wont! I keep trying exercise after exercise, but NADA. Now I am not ungrateful for all of my hard work because it has changed my body to look much toner.

One of the things I realized, a few months ago, was that my diet really had to change if I really wanted the belly to change. I had to buckle down and not only eat a clean diet, but a clean designated diet. That means that I would have to plan my meals. Oh how I did not like this idea, I am still not a great fan of it. I kept putting it aside and putting it aside, ignoring the reality facing me. It is no secret that food is key to belly change along with exercise.

It wasn’t until I saw this video that I became determined to make the change. To stop the excuses of “I don’t want to get bored with my food, I don’t have time to plan it all, I don’t want to be eating chicken every day, I like variety in my diet.” It was when I saw those men in the kitchen creating their meals that the truth slapped me across the face. If what I truly desired was a smaller belly then I had to do what they were doing. I had to cook my meals, measure them, and prepare them the cleanest way possible. If I wanted to change my life, I had to change my focus, again. I had changed focus two years ago and accomplished what I set myself to do. Now it was time for another change. It was time to stop wasting my time and see my hard work across my body.

I know what I am worth and I will go for it. I am worth a lot more than variety in my diet. I am worth a lot more than eating a fruit whenever I want. I am worth a lot more than a handful of unplanned nuts. I am worth a lot more than food. Food serves me and not the other way around. Food is meant to create the beauty I desire and nothing more. I believe this step of planning my meals will get me closer to changing my mentality to that.

What is the next change for you? Are you ready to sacrifice what you are, for what you will become.

xoxo,

Bianca

P.S. I do quite enjoy the energy and speech Mike Tyson gives. Its quite exhilarating. 😀

 

 

 

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Happy Sunday!!!

I do truly believe that the universe gives you dreams and desires with complete knowledge that you have the power to make them true. The only that usually needs to convinced of this is us.

xoxo,

Bianca

Monday, April 22nd, 2013

Hello Dollies and Gents!

I hope you woke up with a smile on your face and a thankfulness to the world that your eyes opened this morning. Today’s motivational video comes from MuscleProdigyTV on youtube. Off the bat though, a little warning, it is a little hard to hear the words behind the music. The music is a little too loud. So you will have to pay a little more attention. Yet the intensity is there. I love seeing bodybuilding men. Not necessarily because I think they are hot, which that much muscle kinda doesn’t really turn me on, but because it amazes me what the mind and body can create. It amazes me to see how men can commit to something so hard and accomplish it with hard work and dedication. It’s art.

One of the things that got triggered for me is about failing and trying again, not giving up. As I have mentioned before weight loss never stops for people who were as overweight as I was. For people, like me, that food has become a drug. It is an endless battle that I fight every single day. Every single day I have to say no to a million things, especially when I am out and about.

I have had to come to terms with my own mini failures as well. There have been meals, in which not only did I not eat healthy, but also lacked the will to go and work-out. Time in which I spent endlessly hating myself for being sedentary, instead of doing what I know its right. Those have been my failures. Before my failures used to be driving through the McDonalds drive-thru or eating a slice of cake. Each time though, that I did fail, that I did not stay true to what I knew was best for my body I would get up again and try again. I have not given up. It is harder to give up now that I am thinner, but even when I was at 210lbs and had eaten that cookie I wasn’t supposed to, I didn’t give up. I didn’t give up on my diet, on my exercise, on myself, and to those I was committed to. I picked myself from that floor I had thrown myself onto and tried again.

I tried so many times and failed so many times, but here I am now, 85 lbs. later. Will the failures stop now? Will I always follow my rules of being at the gym at least 5 times a week and eating a clean diet? I believe I will, but I know that if I do fail it will not stop me. I will not lay there and be trampled by failures. I will have the integrity and courage to get up and get back on my feet. I will be different. I will learn and as long as the getting up part is one more than the failure part I will be ok. I will be great. I will not be a sheep, I choose to fight, live and not die. I choose to live the life I want.

Next time you fail, next time you have that chocolate you weren’t supposed to, next time you make the choice not to go to the gym, just know you just need to get back up again. Make your courage stronger than your fear. Be who you were meant to be. Be different, be unique, be you.

xoxo,

Bianca

Hola!

Another week goes by and another week was lived. You are the creator of your life and of your destiny. You are the sole person responsible for creating what you desire. If you want a specific life then create it, don’t settle for what was given. It is not easy. To really live what your dreams are takes courage and work….a lot of work.

xoxo,

Bianca

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