Category: Thoughts


 

After ten minutes of running around and throwing wet towels at each other, I found myself drying my car, while my little nephew went to change for karate. As I dried the car this question just popped into my head, as if prompting me to examine this idea. So I consider it and present it to you. Is this American Entitlement or the Assimilation of the Latino Mind into American Culture?

As many know, I was raised in an one parent immigrant home and although my mother did not receive her citizenship until I was in my teens, we lived a pretty good middle class lifestyle. I never had to stop from going to school in order to work for the family or go help my mom at her work after school. I pretty much had anything I needed growing up. As I grew up I achieved a place in the honor system, which in itself created a “superior” mindset.

The only career I held was that of a teacher. I worked not only hard, but more than was required of me every day. Not only because I loved doing what I did, but also because it was my integrity on the line. I had a profession, a career, and I was a hard worker. I wanted it to show in everything.

Yet, I find myself, at this  moment in a transition in my life. I am delving into the restaurant industry for a few years and see where that takes me. That means I really can’t get too involve with any other careers, which means taking day jobs to supplement my restaurant job. I currently hold a job at a call center. It is not a bad call center, not like the ones you hear horror stories about or the ones you hate calling you. And although I am learning a lot about sales, and how to overcome my negative mind, most of it is pretty redundant and boring. You call 80+ people and you invite them to an event. They either say yes or no, and you repeat. All day, 8 hours, 5 days a week, 20+ days a month. *ring ring* all day.

It is a big adjustment for me, and I really only stay because of the pay, $11.00 to just sit there and dial the number, *shrugs shoulders* I can do that. Yet, being a teacher for 10 years, or so, kinda makes me restless. Every day teaching was different. It was NEVER the same and even when I did teach the subject again, the following year, it was a new set of kiddos so my approach was different. Not this job. Yet, I CHOSE to work there, for the pay. Not HAD to, but CHOSE to.

Recently, I quit a server position. Loved the staff, loved the place, but the tips were not enough (if I got tipped at all). It was in a location where the local culture doesn’t really follow the tips guidelines. I quit. I quit because I felt my time was worth a lot more than what the guests were offering. My services were worth a lot more.

This is what makes me think, why do I feel/think this way? There are servers there that have been working for 2+ years. Obviously they think its worth their time. Yet, I know I can earn a lot more in a different part of the city. I am in this privileged position, in the position to rate a job either worth of my time or not. The “entitled mind” as I call it because when I think about it, I feel entitled to earn more money for my time and services.

I think it came to me as I washed my car because people who wash cars do not tend to CHOOSE that job, they are doing it because they have to. Yet, here I was washing my car for fun, complaining about my boring job, contemplating my many options, thinking about moving to Denver, transitioning into a different career, taking time out of my professional life to accomplish other things, I have OPTIONS.

And for a minute I felt guilty. Guilty to have OPTIONS, to have this mindset of the “world is my oyster and I can do as I please”. If I fail, it won’t be the end of the world. I will be able to get back on my horse. Go back to teaching, which I LOVE. It won’t kill me, or destroy my soul to do it for the next 4o or so years. Even there, I can move within the world of education to something NEW and EXCITING. Really what I was asking myself was:

AM I ALLOWED THAT? As a Latina woman am I allowed to have such feelings, such a mindset? If I am, is it bad? Do I think  I am better than other people who work a lot harder for the same or less amount of money? Is my mind a product of being raised in the U.S.A or being assimilated into it or both? Is it the Entitlement Mindset I have been surrounded by or the Assimilation of my Latino brain into the American Culture?

And more importantly, is it ok to feel this way?

I believe my mind is that of the Latino brain that has been assimilated into the American Culture of Entitlement. The fact that I doubt it and feel guilty about it states that I have a base that rejects this entitled mindset. I was raised in a household in which hard work was the only way to earn money. Yet, my education showed me I could do as much or more with my mind as well. And if I have any children, I know that their mindset will be filled with entitlements. Entitlement to earn what they deserve and that this world is definitely their oyster and they can do as they please. Now that makes smile. That makes me proud. Why?

.

.

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Because of my mother’s hard labor. It is because of her holding the base (with hard labor work) that I was able to step on the ladder and move up, and as she continues to push me onward (and my own mind grows stronger) , I climb, smiling, knowing she holds the ladder strong, until I reach that ceiling where her grandchildren will start their journey.

 

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April 30th, 2013

Hello Readers!!!

Today’s thought comes from the motivational video from yesterday. At the end of the video a statement is made.

Make a choice. Just decide what is going to be, who you are going to be, how you are going to do it. Just DECIDE. 

The more important thing is this. To be able at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you will become. 

Every day that passes by I grow a bit more, not only physically, but point of view as well. As I continue to develop my weight loss program I have come to the conclusion that I do not believe in giving in. I do not believe in treats, I do not believe in cheat meals, I do not believe we deserve M&Ms once in awhile, I do not believe in being nice towards food.

I want to be a powerful, thin/toned, healthy, beautiful woman and I am willing to sacrifice what little cravings and weaknesses I currently have in order to become my dream. Therefore, this is exactly the kind of women I want to help transform other women into. I am so sick and tired seeing how we women can be so independent and hard working in most parts of their lives yet we come across a piece of chocolate and become little weaklings. We give up all our ideals, we give up all the hard work we have put in the gym, we give up the commitments we made to ourselves and others, we fall to our knees to bow down to that piece of food.

Beauty-is-power

What’s worse is that we excuse it over and over again. We give ourselves a thousand and one reasons why we need or deserve that harmful food and seem to completely forget all the reasons why we don’t want to eat it. All those reasons don’t come flowing in until the cake is gone. Then we begin feeling guilty and put ourselves down for failing. For eating something we knew we shouldn’t or worse we actually feel it was ok to eat what we did. So the next time there is another slice of cake it becomes so much easier to say yes to it. Until we are back to square one, saying yes to all the crappy food out there because we have lost sight of our dreams and goals.

The reality of it is that at some point, of resisting eating sweets and breads, you no longer miss them. You only crave them when you are feeling negatively which then triggers you to deal with your emotions instead of eating them. It takes a lot of time to build that habit, but it really does happen. You just have to be ready to sacrifice what you are now, for what you want to become. Personally for me, I hated who I was and was more than happy to sacrifice her in exchange for who I am now. Even now I continue to sacrifice parts of me to maintain who I am and who I will continue to develop to become.

sometimeswehavetosacrifice

It is all a choice and you have to decide whether you are ready to sacrifice what you are now for who you desire to become. If you are not ready to sacrifice it, if you are not ready to give up your favorite dessert, if you are not ready to give up your favorite fried food, if you are not ready to give up all unhealthy foods, then you are just wasting time and energy. Might as well give up now and live the life you have so far created because you will never reach the life you dream and desire.

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Dreams and desires are not given, they are taken. It reminds me of the Aztecs sacrifices. You need to be ready to sacrifice everything in order to get to the heart and offer it to the gods. In order to offer it to yourself. Your heart is where your dreams live, so are you ready to sacrifice everything else in order to save your beating heart?

images (7)

xoxo,

Bianca

Tuesday, April 9th, 2013

“Give up defining yourself – to yourself or to others. You won’t die. You will come to life. And don’t be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem. Whenever you interact with people, don’t be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.” 

Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

 

Throughout this transformation of mine I have come to terms that I no longer define myself by what I used to define myself. I just do and am who I want to be. I do what makes me happy, most of the time. I am learning to say no to people when I do get trapped being something I am not.

Living to someone else's definitions.

Living to someone else’s definitions.

One of things I still struggle with is with the fact that it concerns me greatly how others define me. What others might think of me, their thoughts about how I am dressed, how my make up is, my hair, my heels, my driving, my breathing, my walking, my sitting, ANYTHING. I mean I used to be so concerned that I would get so nervous when I would be driving and had to slow down in order to make a turn. Then that nervousness would increase ten-fold when there were cars coming from the other side; which meant I had to wait for them and therefore make the people behind me wait as well. It was nerve wrecking. I was just so overwhelmingly concerned about what they might be thinking of me. THEY of ME. Complete strangers who have no idea what I look like or who I am. They just knew I drove a black car and was making a turn and therefore had to wait for like a minute.That is how concerned I used to be. Always wanting to be defined as a pleasing person, to ALL.

Through this physical change I have come to the realization that my definition of who I am is not based off other people. I can not concern myself with pleasing others and at the same time living the life I want. One of the biggest changes I have made is the way I dress. Now I am able to wear dresses and skirts, short dresses/skirts to be exact. When I was overweight I did not wear any dresses. Just jeans. Only jeans.  I have always desired to wear short dresses and skirts, but wouldn’t before. I used to envy the women that could. Giving them that look, that eye look, that is so noticeable you are noticing their dress length.

Having a little fun with Mr. Mural

Having a little fun with Mr. Mural

As I lost the weight I realized I could now dress the way I have always wanted. So I did and it felt so uncomfortable. Not only because I was not used having my legs so exposed, but also because I was very concerned what other women would be thinking. Would they think it was too short?

I get plenty of looks by women, but I have given up concerning myself about them. I am done caring what they think or how they are defining me in their thoughts. Let them. I am happy dressing the way I am. I am happy showing off the hard work I have put in the gym. Showing how my eating habits have changed me. I am not sorry their husband or boyfriend is checking me out. I have no control over him. I am not sorry I have made them feel envious about something they too can have if they put some work into. I have no control over them either. All I have is me. Who I am. What makes me happy in the NOW. In the now it makes me happy to be noticed and admired. I stood in the shadows for too long. It is time for me to shine brightly.

Me being smexsy

Me being smexsy

The funny thing?  Women can shine as bright if they stop defining themselves by others standards and really accept what will make them happy. Many overweight women claim to be happy being a full body girl and living that life. It is not true, but they will not accept that because then that will define them as someone who is not happy with the way they look. Goodness forbid you are not happy with who you are because then you are not a self empowered woman. Then you have low self-confidence and then there is definitely something wrong with you! So instead keep pretending to love being fat and living that life so at least society thinks you are happy. Even though at night you cry yourself to sleep because you gained another five pounds and there is only one clothing store you can really shop from. This is reality. I lived this life, as do many other women. There is a very small handful of women who are truly happy being overweight.

When you judge another you do not define them you define yourself

So dollies…take a moment to step back and see where your life is. Is it really who you are or who you are letting people define. It is hard to really separate the both, but it is a must. We are not immortals and if we are lucky we will die in 50-70 years. Do not waste the time given living up to other peoples’s standards. Do what makes you happy. Be what makes you happy. LIVE doing what makes you happy.

xoxo,

Bianca

Cheat Meal: The weak link

Tuesday, February 18th 2013

Tuesday Thought of the Day: Treating yourself, viewing unhealthy food as a reward.

Good Morning to all of ya!

Today’s thought comes from…well I don’t know really. Lol. I began recording my thoughts on my phone as soon as they popped in my head so they wouldn’t get lost. Not sure what triggered this one. Here it is nonetheless:Treating ourselves with food, especially unhealthy food. In other words CHEAT MEALS.

Uhmm yeah. That is exactly what it looks like.

Uhmm yeah. That is exactly what it looks like.

In the process of loosing overweight one of the things I had to train my brain out of was the idea that I “deserved” that slice of cake, pie, ice cream, onion rings, nachos, etc. I was in this deep belief that because I had been good with my diet, exercise, work, or personal life I deserved to have a treat once in awhile. That there was nothing wrong with me setting up a cheat meal at the end of the week for all the hard work being put in. In that moment I didn’t really see what was wrong with that. My desire for that sweet food or fried food fogged up the reality: I was putting that unhealthy food on a pedestal.

Thumbs way down!

Thumbs way down!

When I began loosing weight two years ago I was not allowed to have cheat meals or snacks to treat myself with. I felt very deprived because I had done it before. I thought it was a great idea to keep the weight off and not let cravings take the best of me. My friend wasn’t going to have it. It was just not allowed. It isn’t until now that I am forming my vision for weight loss for other women that I see the danger of the so called “cheat” meal.

lol....too funny

lol….too funny

The danger does not come from the mere fact that cheat meals tend to be rather unhealthy. The real problem comes from the fact that we are further training our brains to enjoy and relish unhealthy foods vs. the healthy choices we make throughout the week. Women hold on steady and fast to their week of healthy eating with one thought in their minds “oooh if I am good this whole week I can have a slice of cheesecake this weekend. Man that cheesecake is going to taste so good. I will eat this horrible spinach smoothie now, but will be so happy this weekend when I am having my slice of cake.”  :O

There is really no growth or change happening. All we are doing is “sacrificing” a week’s worth of eating for a meal at the end of the week. The fact remains that our brains still believe that the way we eat during the week is not our preferred way of eating. We do not learn to love the healthy exchanges we have made, but learn to “deal” with them for the reward at the end of the week. We focus on that cheat meal with a sense of desire and longing. Then when the meal is over a despair/sadness come over realizing you now have to wait 7 more days until your next cheat meal.

Food should not be a reward

Food should not be a reward

 

 

The worse part of it is that we continue to train ourselves to believe that in order to reward ourselves for the good behavior we should do it through food, unhealthy food to top it of. We deserve better than that. How is it logical that the reward you are giving yourself is in reality a punishment to your body?

 

 

 

Stop this ugly cycle of food being so powerful over us! Reward yourself every day by the healthy choices you are making. Realize how much more energy that healthy meal is giving you. Celebrate the fact that because of the choices you make every day you have gone down 1 dress size. Reward yourself with a hike, a movie, a book, an extra hour of sleep, with something that will make your life better. Stop making food mean more than it should. Food should only have ONE PURPOSE. To keep you healthy. Any other meaning is man made.

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Was I able to resist cravings ALL the time? No, I stumbled and ate unhealthy. Yet, I did not make it believe it was ok because I was good for two months. I realized it was a bad behavior. I realized the damage I was doing to my body and my soul. I deserved better.

What do you deserve dollies? In order to become that thin person you want to be you must change your mind. Stop desiring and looking forward to eating certain foods and begin feeding your body what it really NEEDS. Not what your brain wants.

xoxo,

Bianca

A Given Life vs. A Created Life

Tuesday February 12th, 2013

Tuesday Thought: Create the life you want, do not settle for the one given to you.

Hola! Hola!

Good Tuesday to all my pretty dollies out there. Today’s thought comes after some thinking about my life and whining about it. Whining because I thought it was just too hard or that for some reason it should just be given to me.

let_me_live_my_life_greeting_cards-p137306786711173281envwi_400

Wow!!! Best quote I have read in awhile! Amen

We all are given something. We are given a certain destiny, a certain life. Many of us settle for that life. Some of us fit perfectly in the life that is given to us, but most of us in some way or another grow out of it or never really fit into it.  We crave for more, for things that seem out of our reach, things that we believe we were not destined to be or that we somehow do not have the tools for.

It is not an opinion, but a fact. How many people out there dislike their job. I do not mean “I had a bad day at work and I hate it today.” Kind of dislike. The kind that you hate waking up to it, you do not enjoy walking into it, your day in and day out never change and at the end of the day/week/month/year you feel like you really haven’t accomplished much or nothing at all. Yet we continue at it because we feel we have no choice. There is no way out. Worse of all you know that if you sat down for five minutes to really think about what you would rather do it would either be “out of your reach” or somehow have no idea because you never really stopped to examine your life.

That was me. Going through the moods and the stages. Doing what I was supposed to be doing. Graduating from one school to the other, volunteering, working, getting the necessary credentials, getting a job, being an adult. Being the fat blob that life had lead me to become. I was living the life that was given to me without questioning it. Just knowing I hated it. I felt like it was how it was meant to be.

Are you?

Are you?

It wasn’t until this year that I realized that two years ago I stopped living the life that was given to me and made it my own. I took control of my destiny and changed from being and ugly duckling to the swan I have become. Unconsciously, I made the choice to say “I do not want to be an ugly duckling. I want to be a beautiful, unique, desired swan.”

This year I consciously made the choice to begin the business that excites me. To make the difference I have always craved to make. Helping women discover their hidden beauty.

I was so lucky in life (when it comes to education and profession). I was given a profession. It was so easy to become a teacher. I had no obstacles. It was given. I enjoy teaching (do not get me wrong) I really do. Which I am lucky in that way. Yet, I know that it is not all that I crave. For a long time I questioned whether the hard path was mine to take. I mean after all if there was an easy path perhaps that is what I really as meant to be. I was a lazy Mexican. lol

Can't say it better.

Can’t say it better.

Is this new adventure hard? Yes. Is there a big chance of failing? Yes. Do I need to step out of my comfort zone? Yes. Will other people know about my failure? Yes.

On the other side of the coin….Is there a possibility of this becoming a very successful business? Definitely Yes. Will I discover parts of me that I never knew where there? Of course! Will it give me the lifestyle that I so crave to have? Yes. Will it be hard? Yes. Will I be living the life I want? YES! Will people know of my success and crave it? Damn right.

You are the author...not your routine.

You are the author…not your routine.

I have a true belief that we were given a life. A life to not just sit back and let itself play out like a regular old movie, but a life that should play itself like the latest attraction. A life that should be filled with light and laughter. A life that should shine against all the other darkness. A life to be proud at the end of your days. If the end came tomorrow, would you be content? Would be happy for the time given here?

Stop wasting your time living a life that was given to you. Take it, own it, make it YOURS. Do what YOU want with it. Be brave, be hard working, be who you were meant to be.

So ask yourself.

Am I going along with the life given to me?

OR

Am I living the life I am creating for me?

this-is-your-life1

xoxo,

Bianca

Stop Pushing: If I said No, I mean NO!

Tuesday, February 5th, 2013

Morning Dollies,

Today’s Tuesday Thought: If I say “No, thank you.” Then I mean “NO, THANK YOU!” It does not mean keep pushing me to eat what you want me to eat.

Stop pushing!

Stop pushing!

This thought came to me two days after an event. I had gone to dinner with some friends and a couple of them ordered a dessert. Now on that day I was honestly quite content with my eating. I was not stuffed, but I was full. I had no desire to eat more, much less dessert.

Now another person nearby me pointed out that the dessert really looked great. Which it was. It was different than any other dessert I had seen before. They of course replied that it was super good and to please have some. I honestly did not want any. Which I was rather surprised later on. I had NO CRAVING for that sweetness whatsoever. So I denied them and thanked them. I was then asked 5 more times to please take a taste or a bit of the  dessert.

Now a couple days later it just hit me. What the…..? Why do women have the need to push? And not in a good way. Why is that when someone is trying to loose weight instead of encouraging them we push them to sabotage themselves?

Perhaps its because most people do not understand the overweight brain. One little voice is telling us “Oh come on, have it, you haven’t had dessert in a long time, it is going to be soooo good, just give a try”. While our commitment to healthier lifestyle talks back “Don’t do it, be good to yourself, it is not worth it, it will not be as good, you can do it”. This is the little battle we have just looking at the menu! So when the dessert our friend ordered comes out we must fight even harder.

noThen of course our friend offers us a bite or a slice. We must muster all our strength to say no. And as a friend of a friend that is trying to be healthy or loose weight you should accept that “no” the first time and not make it harder for them to falter in their commitment. Yet, for the majority of the time our friends and relatives do not take no the first time. Why is that?

no to chocolateWhy do we push? Is it because you are envious they are able to control themselves? Is it because you want to feel ok eating that cheesecake and therefore must make your friend eat it too, to even out the situation? Why?! Why?! Its not out of generosity. I never hear people sharing their steamed veggies or their garden salad. When was the last time you heard someone ask you to eat carrots five times in a row. Along with describing how good they are? NEVER!

Come one dollies!!! Be each others’ support system not our weak points. If your friend is making the choice of eating healthy then be helpful and do not ask them to share a dessert with you or bake them a cake. When they come over for dinner make a healthy dinner. Show them you are there to support them to a healthier lifestyle not push them down the road they hate.

To all my dollies trying to loose weight. LEARN TO SAY NO. I don’t care if your friend baked you a cake and it tookno-thank-you-jpgher 2 hours to do it. Simply say no and explain why not. That should be more than enough. Learn to say no not only to your friends, but your family as well and do not feel guilty about it. Do not feel guilty about hurting their feelings. Do what is best for you. Do what is going to make you healthy and live longer. If they truly want to see you happy they will understand and hold no resentment. It will take some time, but they will get it.

For the friends and family of people who are unhealthy, extremely overweight, are trying to loose weight/be healthy. Support them. Bake them something healthy. Make a healthy dinner. Be a friend. Most importantly do not offer the food you ordered to them. I mean at the end of the day YOU ordered that dang dessert. YOU EAT IT!

xoxo,

Bianca

Monday January 21st, 2013

Another lovely day begins Dollies.

I wanted to give you all a little perspective on where I am headed not only in my life, but with this blog. It has taken me some time to really accept that this is what I want to do. I’ve had had this fear or doubt that whether this is something I was really meant for. A couple of months ago though, I went to a meetup group in which one of the statements made there was: “Women are afraid of success”. We procrastinate, or doubt ourselves because we are afraid that that great idea in our heads will actually result in a success. That’s when I woke up and realized, this is what was holding me back. My fear that this would actually realize itself. My dream would be reality.

beautyAs a result of my transformation I have come to realize how we (women) have robbed ourselves from all the power our beauty possesses. How we have let it take a back seat in order to justify ourselves with other accomplishments. How in order to justify our success we have made ourselves ugly to make sure they know it was through our brains and not our beauty that we succeeded. One example: the corporate/business world. Women have taken to wearing little to no make-up, cutting their hair really short, wearing slacks and suits, in order to assimilate in the male dominated world. In order to become similar to them. So instead of using our natural weapon, beauty, we try to use what is not ours. (More on this subject on this blog entry) Sunny Buns Beauty

As a result of that I have decided to make a difference in that negative stereotype we hold about beauty. I am dedicating myself to move through this world changing the way women view their beauty. Not to just be pretty for the sake of being pretty, but for empowering our lives. Empowering us to break that glass ceiling with the hammer we naturally posses, OUR BEAUTY.

My dream is to enter women’s lives and have them change the way they see themselves through make-up and fitness. To realize that their professional world, as well as their personal world, could dramatically change to their favor if they just took control of what the universe gave them to use.

TO EMPOWER WOMEN THROUGH BEAUTY & FITNESS. 

My ideal dream is that in fifteen years I have a location in which a woman could enter and begin her journey to empowering herself. Beginning from learning the importance of exercise, eating healthy, to the use of plastic surgery ( if so needed), to having make-up lessons, fashion guides, and a salon to teach her to expose her beauty. As she went through that learning experience she would also be pushed to improve her self image and demand the world notices it as well. She would experience and see the power that beauty brings. A power that was already there, but was not being used (or worse was being used against her).A cosmetics line that targets custom make-up for women.

A cosmetics line that targets custom make-up for women.

At the moment I will be starting small and I have found a product and company that will provide the tools for me to get started in my journey. I am very excited to have found them as they provide a variety of tools that will be essential in my journey. I will be speaking about them here in my blog and hope some of you get inspired to get started in your own journey!

A weight loss program focusing on teaching how to eat healthy and exercise.

A weight loss program focusing on teaching how to eat healthy and exercise.

xoxo,

Bianca

The importance of getting ready.

Saturday January 19th, 2013

Evening Dollies,

Evening to all my pretty ladies out there. I have a little soap box speech. Which I thought was rather important.

I was at the gym today and after my work out I of course got ready for my day. As I was getting ready I remembered a post a friend of mine posted on FB. She asked all her friends how long it took them to get ready for work, dinner/movie, and a party. Friends went ahead and gave a reply with a variety of answers from 5 minutes to 2 hours. I had a bit of a flashback when I saw the 5, 15, 30 minute answers. It threw me back and reminded me of how it used to take me 5 to 20 minutes to get ready. I saw myself, back then, and it amazed me how far I had come.

I do not know if its because of age, the fact that I have lost weight, or the fact that I know pay very close attention to how I look and feel, but there is no way I could get ready in 30 minutes anymore. I mean if I woke up late, super late to work and I had no choice, of course I could, but not by a choice of mine.

Pop Art Girl Getting ReadyThere are so many differences now from back then. As I got ready this morning I noticed how I take my time to dry my body completely, how I now lotion my whole body, how I use a blow dryer, how I moisturize my face, I take time to inspect my face closely, and I do my make up with full knowledge of what I am doing. Most importantly, is how when I take off the towel, I no longer rush to put clothes on, to hide myself without catching a glance at the mirror. I inspect my body. Not only for the future changes I am going to make, but to notice the marks I made on it (while abusing it with food), to notice the growing biceps, notice the way by torso is shaping itself, how my bottom looks, doing my daily breast exam, noticing things in my body that before never took one minute to look at, much less examine.

And I wonder….why is it that we (WOMEN) give so much attention to everything else, but not us. We spend time cleaning our homes, we spend time cleaning our cars, we spend time doing our laundry, we spend time cooking for others, we spend time on Facebook/emails/technology, we spend hours and hours on so many other things. Yet, when it comes to us, getting ready for the day, showing the world who we are, most of us try to do it in 30 minutes or less. Cause goodness forbid that I take an hour or 2 to get ready and take away time from other more important things than myself!

I think that is high time you start taking time for yourself, for your body. To look at it and see what it is you are doing to it. One of the biggest reasons, for me, for being overweight is that not one moment did I really look at the mirror and really considered what I was doing to my body. I looked at the mirror to put myself down, but not to really look. How sad it makes me now to see the endless stretch marks and the skin that doesn’t and will not go back to normal. I did that. Now I realize that my body was NOT meant to be 220lbs. (That’s another soap box speech though.) woman-looking-in-mirror

I feel that women need a proper hour to get ready, at a minimum. That is including your shower (unless your shower is like 3o minutes long….lol). An hour to YOURSELF. To reflect on who you are and how you are portraying yourself to the world. Take that hour to take care of YOURSELF. To moisturize your skin from head to toes, to slowly comb through your hair and take care of it, to wash your face and dress it up as much as we dress up our cars, cats, dogs, etc. An hour to SLOW down and see who you are and if you are happy with what you see. If you are not, then make the choice to change it, instead of running away from it or hiding.

Royal Spa LotionMy challenge to you, If you are one of those people that only take 5 to 30 minutes getting ready (on a daily basis such as work or school), is to begin adding 5 minutes to your time. Every other week add five more minutes, until you have reached an hour. Fill those five minutes with concentration and love towards your body.

One of the things I definitely NEVER did before was lotion my whole body. Start there. Start with taking care of your whole skin. Start with moisturizing it and just noticing. One important thing to do while you add more time to yourself is to catch your mind. See what it is saying about it. If it is negative then make a note of it and realize you have internalize that thought. If its positive then great! If its just neutral, well that is good too. Just take time to be with YOU.

Love all of ya dollies….

xoxo,

Bianca

Our Desires

Wednesday, January 16th

Happy Afternoon to all my beautiful Dollies,

How is your week going? We are halfway to the weekend. Well at least my weekend. Woot woot.

Well now that I am really trying to get focus and learn more about weight loss and beauty, one of things that I know I have to find out is: What is it that you really desire? A very important question, but one that gets muddled with the restrictions of society and our personal upbringing. So let me ask you again.

WHAT DO YOU DESIRE? TRULY DESIRE?

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One of the hardest things for me to do, was to really accept what I truly desired. When I would think of my desires or my future they would be surrounded by the “guidelines” given to me by my upbringing and my society. I wanted to be a successful teacher, with her house (somewhere), her car, and making a difference in the “proper” way. Yet, it didn’t really address what would really make me happy.

I never accepted that I desired to be thin, that I desired to be beautiful, that I desired to look and dress sexy/elegant/glamorous, that I desired for the attention of others, that I desired to be desired.

I mean come on?!…what would that make me? A slut? A low self-esteem woman because I desired the attention of others? Isn’t that what I thought of women who represented my wish. So, of course, then all others would see me in the same light. Therefore, I always suppressed it. That desire wanted to burst, wanted to realize itself. The more I pushed it down the more I ate, the more I cried, the more I made myself less.

Finally, I decided to pursue what I desire. No matter the looks I got from strangers, no matter the judgement from women, the negative words from family. I will become what I desire. For one simple reason: realizing my desires makes me smile. Makes me happy, makes me feel I am who I am.

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Now forget the stereotypes we have of each other, forget the “what will they think..”, forget your own judgements. When you fantasize about your life, What is it that you desire?

What is it that you truly desire?

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xoxo,

Bianca

My Right to be Barbie

Evening my beautiful dollies,

I was out with my sister one night as we drove away from her house she said something like this: “I want to know what you are thinking now ( I assumed she meant now, after the weight loss change). You are so weird.” I didn’t really understand what she meant by “weird”. I think she meant my change, not only my weight change, but the way I act, my thoughts, the way I dress, my look. I am someone totally different from who I was.

This blog is becoming quite muddled in my head. It is very difficult trying to steer it in a certain path as I keep trying to keep it from its true path. I am done with that. I will take this blog in the path it was meant to be taken, not the one I took it out of fear of judgment.

“Join with all those who experiment, take risks, fall, get hurt and then take more risks. Stay away from those who affirm truths, who criticize those who do not think like them, people who have never taken a step unless they were sure they would be respected for doing so, and who prefer certainties to doubts.”-The Way of the Bow by Paulo Coehlo

I am currently in love with the writings of Paulo Coelho. As I read his books I interpret so many of the things he writes about to things connected to my life. I am currently reading The Way of the Bow because I was having some difficulties moving forward with my growth. I believe part of that was because I was trying to hide who I am and what I am working for. I will no longer do that. I will be honest with all and live the life how I wish to live it.

“‘Now I release this arrow knowing that I took the necessary risks and gave my best.’” The Way of the Bow by Paulo Coehlo.

If I offend your sensibilities let me just state right now that I have a deep belief that we are all destined to a specific path and when we follow it life flows, life is happy, life is exciting. When we move away from that path or when we chose another to follow our lives become darken by something and the happiness we do live is grey and monotone. As many of you know I was 220 lbs about a year and a half ago. I know stand at 140lbs. Give or take a pound (-_-) Claiming that my diet and exercise is the only reason for the change is cheating my success and lying to you as well. My whole life I have craved to be wanted, desired, beautiful, sexy, sensual, a true object of beauty to be pleasing to the eye. A Barbie.

 

I want to walk into the room and be truly desired. No, not just want. I desire it and get a thrill from it. It gives me the highest rush to walk across a dance floor and know that every man in that club is looking at me. It makes my head lift high and feel proud. Before, 220lbs. before, that kind of situation would of made my head lower and try to rush through the dance floor to hide. Instead of following my path what did I do? I buried my desire in a mound of fat. 100lbs of fat. Buried my desire and my beauty as deep as possible.

 

The question here is why? FEAR. I did not want to be seen as a slut, a whore, a bimbo, by other women. Not only by the strange woman in line to go see a movie, but my sisters, my cousins, and especially my mother. Nothing is more fearsome to us then another woman judging us. Isn’t that true? Thinking over what they will think if you wear a short dress or if you make a choice to get implants. That somehow the way I chose to live my life is wrong because it not follows the “norm”, it doesnt not show “self-respect”. I say that because that is what I thought when I used to see the big boob, blonde, high heel, tight short skirt, women passing by. Thought how scandalous she was and how “sad” because she lived her life trying to stand out. Trying to be pleasing, yet deep inside I was jealous she didn’t care one grain of salt about what I thought. She lived the life she wanted. Dressed how she desired and received the attention she wanted.

We bury ourselves in shyness, fat, dress down, whatever it takes to please other women. We leave  being our dreams far behind. We never can be a barbie doll. I am here to stop that. I want to be a barbie doll, I want to be beautiful. I want to use make up to make my face a piece of art. I want clothes to decorate myself, stand out. I want to be desired, and I believe I have the right to be.

This blog has been desiring to go down its path of fitness, diet, beauty, make-up, heels, clothes, skin care, everything that a Barbie does to be a doll. Now that I have made it clear I do believe this blog will flow smoother as will my life. Now that I am no longer hiding it or trying to find other words for what I am.

 

This is who I am and what I believe.

 

xoxo,

Bianca 

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